Are you dealing with the devil?


Real talk: if something sounds too good to be true, there’s almost always a catch. After all, the devil can take many forms, and he loves a good deal. So if a mysterious stranger (or just someone you don’t trust) offers you a deal, take our advice and follow these steps before accepting – or you may get exactly what you asked for (never a good thing).

Step 1: Do your research

In the beginning there was Google, and it was good.

Not knowing who this stranger promising you riches is understandable. But it’s a cardinal sin of the modern world not to google the people you’re dealing with. You google acquaintances from high school; you google potential dates; why on earth wouldn’t you google someone who promises to make the most important offer of your life?

So yeah, ask for this person’s name and google them. See what people on Yelp have to say about this person who is probably Satan. Look up their rating on the Better Business Bureau. This is common sense, guys.

Step 2: Consider the terms

Always, always ask for written terms to any deal you make with a possible-demon-person. Then tell them you need time to read the text, so you can verify that you agree with the terms.

supernatural scroll

Obviously, this means you have to actually consider the nuances of the deal, which doesn’t hurt.

Step 2a: You might want to hire a lawyer

Let’s be real, there’s going to be some fine print and legalese/gibberish to parse through. If it’s too overwhelming for you, hiring a lawyer is a good idea. That’s kind of what they’re there for. Also, lawyers tend to be experienced in deals with the devil.

devils advocate

Speaking of which, if you’re agreeing to sell your soul, I would definitely recommend interviewing some people who’ve experienced it about hell’s conditions. How bad are they really? For example, is the hellfire, like, literal fire? If yes, ask yourself if you like the sensation of your flesh burning for all eternity.

These are crucial details to get right. Don’t neglect them.

Step 3: Follow your gut (don’t take the deal)

Ultimately, trust your instincts, but not your desires. The mysterious stranger promising you untold riches may be more mundane than literally-Satan – he or she is just a run-of-the-mill Internet scammer – but ultimately, your desires are what scammers and devils alike use to manipulate you. And your gut is your firewall.

So if they don’t feel trustworthy, don’t deal with them.

(PS: They’re never trustworthy.)

angel devil

Good luck!

(PPS: If you’re in a totally different situation that’s suspiciously similar to a horror movie, check out our other survival guides.)




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About The Author

I saw 'Mars Attacks!' in theaters when I was five. I still think it's the greatest horror movie for five year olds ever made.