American Horror Story: Hotel: 5×10– ‘She Gets Revenge’

Last night’s episode of AHS: Hotel made me feel things.  Let’s dive right in.

We begin the episode with a montage of Liz Taylor checking people into the hotel.  She narrates the scene for us, waxing lyrical about the various guests: a couple of junkies who want a safe space to get high, two people committing adultery and using the hotel as neutral ground, and finally, an elderly couple who have chosen the Hotel Cortez as their suicide venue.  The wife is terminally ill with cancer, and her husband of sixty plus years doesn’t want to live without her.  So they check into the hotel and blow each others brains out to spare their children the trauma of finding their bodies at home.  It’s messy, but ultimately a selfless act.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 3.50.58 PMLiz thinks the double suicide is beautiful; Iris thinks it’s just a mess.  Potato, potahto.  Liz takes one of the guns and is about to take her own life because without Tristan, she has nothing to live for.  Luckily, her BFF Iris stops her and reminds her that if she dies in the hotel and has unfinished business, she’ll be trapped in Hotel Hell forever.  What’s Liz’s unfinished business? Her son that she abandoned when she left her family to live her truth.  Iris’ unfinished business is less emotional– she just has to cancel some magazine subscriptions.  The two then make a suicide pact.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 3.50.02 PMLiz enlists the help of Miss Evers to reconnect with her son.  Miss Evers facilitates by making a phone call and summoning him to the hotel.  She’s not happy about it; she’s against LGBT people having and raising children and seems to think that gay men are pedophiles.  Hey, she’s an old-fashioned gal with old-fashioned bigotry.  But Liz promised her a gallon of Oxy-Clean, which she delivers as she kicks Miss Evers out of her room.  “It’s like Christmas morning,” Miss Evers exclaims as she has visions of sparkling white linens.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 12.56.59 PMWe cut to John, who is adding a jar of severed ears to his trophy collection.  Sally hangs on him, whispering praises into his own ear.  A flashback reveals that earlier that day, John massacred three people who were praying at a Santa Muerte altar.  “Thou shalt have no other gods.”  Sally reminds John that he has one more murder before his collection is complete and he is free.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 1.07.56 PMWe then see Donovan sneaking into Valentino’s motel room through a window and catching him off guard, and Natasha entering the Hotel Cortez for a rendezvous with Elizabeth.  The scene cuts very quickly between the verbal sparring matches between Elizabeth and Natasha and Donovan and Valentino.  Valentino draws a sword and prepares to kill Donovan with it.  Donovan finds it hilarious, especially when Valentino tells him that he should be honored to die by the sword’s blade.  “Bitch, please,” Donovan says, before shooting his rival in the head. Natasha apparently had similar plans for Elizabeth and takes a dagger out of her bag, telling Elizabeth that she should have killed her long ago.  Natasha prepares to stab Elizabeth.  “Really?” Elizabeth rolls her eyes and shoots Natasha.  You know what they say: never bring a knife to a gun fight.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 1.19.45 PMScreen Shot 2015-12-17 at 1.20.49 PMMeanwhile, James March has the contractor in charge of Elizabeth’s hidden chamber project hostage in one of the original torture chambers.  The contractor didn’t fulfill every expectation, so James burns him alive.  John comes in and demands to know where Alex is, since James knows everything about the hotel.  He and Miss Evers arrange a meeting.  When John and Alex come face to face, they have a surprisingly civil discussion about Holden, Alex’s lies about Holden, and the fact that they have both abandoned their daughter Scarlett.  They agree that they are the world’s worst parents.  Alex then drops a bombshell: Elizabeth knows about the gang of vampire kids that Alex inadvertently created.  She threatened to kill both Alex and Holden if Alex doesn’t contain the problem.  John agrees to help her.  It appears that he still loves Alex, at least on some level.  Or he might just be biding his time before he murders her.  Who knows with this guy?

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 1.29.13 PMIn the next scene, we finally see Liz’s adult son.  Liz doesn’t identify herself; instead, she pours him a drink and the two have a pleasant conversation.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 1.38.19 PMWe cut to John and Alex venturing back into the house where she found the vamp kids.  The entrance is cut off with police tape, but John thinks they might still be inside.  And they are.  Alex finds one of them lying on the ground, dying from starvation.  One of the kids attacks her, but John swoops in and threatens to shoot him.  The others swarm the scene, and the dying vampire girl starts foaming at the mouth.  Alex tries, and fails, to save her.

Back at the hotel, Elizabeth is giving a false statement to a pair of police officers.  She’s doing some damage control and telling them that her new husband Will Drake has disappeared and she hasn’t seen him in two days.  One of the officers tells her that he may have gotten cold feet.  And who bursts through the door? Will Drake, of course.  He apologizes for his absence and tells the police officers that he was exploring the new renovations and got lost.  For two days.  When Elizabeth ushers the officers out, Will confronts her about his murder.  He reminds her that she’s not included in his will.  Elizabeth knows that.  She also knows that Will’s son Lachlan is the sole beneficiary.  Elizabeth reminds Will that she is Lachlan’s legally appointed guardian, and strongly hints that she will turn him into a vampire.  You know, since she doesn’t kill children.  Will leaves to go find his son, and James appears, smugly telling Elizabeth that she shouldn’t have let Will die in the hotel.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 2.52.08 PMJohn and Alex trick the vampire kids into entering the hidden chamber in the hotel.  When they lock the door and trap the kids inside, two turn on each and start to fight.  The battle is cut short though, when they discover Will Drake’s body.  And when Ramona Royale appears and insinuates that she’s going to eat them.

Alex and John have victory sex and Alex says she wants to get back together.  Alex takes off to get Holden, and as soon as she’s gone, Sally appears in the shadows.  She tries to tell John that they are meant to be together.  John tells her that the “love” they shared wasn’t real.  Sally tries to seduce him, and is almost successful, but John breaks away.  Sally tells him that Alex would never love him if she knew he was a serial killer.  John insists that he has to try to make his marriage work for his children.  Sally points out that it’s not for his kids, it’s for him– an accusation to which John concedes.  John leaves, and right before he gets in the elevator, Sally tries to stab him.  John fights her off, and the Addiction Demon appears behind her.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 3.06.26 PMLiz Taylor and Iris present Miss Evers a brand new washer-dryer set, adorned with a big, red bow as an additional thank you for helping Liz reconnect with her son.  Of course, Miss Evers doesn’t know how to use modern machines, so Iris gives her a quick tutorial.  As Iris and Liz leave, they discuss their suicide plans.  Miss Evers interrupts and tells Liz that her son is waiting for her at the bar.  Liz goes to see him.  Turns out, her son knew all along that Liz was his estranged father, and despite the abandonment, wants her to be part of his life.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 3.15.13 PMThat night, Elizabeth and Donovan have dinner together and laugh about Will Drake’s murder.  She asks Donovan to clean up her mess by getting rid of Will’s body and putting Ramona back in the iron maiden.  Donovan, in turn, tells her about his own mess, located in Valentino’s motel room.  Elizabeth rushes over and sobs over her dead lover’s body.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 3.21.27 PMBack at the Cortez, Iris is getting ready for her double suicide with Liz.  She even made herself a tribute video.  Liz has changed her mind, though.  She wants to live and be there for her son.  Iris is more than upset.  But then, Liz inspires her and the two hatch a new plot: a coup d’état of the Hotel Cortez.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 3.30.12 PMElsewhere in the hotel, Alex and John are preparing to leave. They retrieve Holden and make their way out.  Sally, of course, does not take kindly to this, and screams maniacally after John.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 3.36.23 PMWe cut to Donovan.  He’s in Elizabeth’s room, drinking, smoking, and dancing to “Hotline Bling”.

Screen Shot 2015-12-17 at 3.38.01 PMElizabeth storms in.  She’s furious.  And heartbroken.  She asks Donovan why he stayed– surely he knew she was going to kill him in retaliation.  He tells her that the only way she would let him love her was if she killed him.  When Elizabeth realizes that Donovan was willing to die for her and by her hand, she’s touched and reconsiders killing him. And then Iris and Liz storm in, guns ablazing.  Literally.

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